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Chuck Norris Jokes


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#1 shadowboy

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Posted 14 May 2008 - 06:32 PM

here are some chuck norris jokes

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit

Chuck Norris plans to assisinate four other civil rights leaders just to get an entire week off in February

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Got some more tell em'
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#2 rookie1ja

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Posted 14 May 2008 - 10:27 PM

I have created a google gadget with my favorite Chuck Norris facts (about 300) ... check out this topic where the link to the gadget is
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#3 Eagle

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 08:56 AM

I got a few,
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, Chuck Norris' doesnt wet, water gets Chuck Norris.
When the boogey man goes to sleep he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
On Chuck Norris' computer there is no "CTRL" button, Chuck Norris is always in control.
When you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you, when you can't see Chuck Norris, your only a few seconds away from death. :D

Eagle Out.
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#4 shadowboy

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Posted 19 May 2008 - 02:30 PM

I got a few,
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, Chuck Norris' doesnt wet, water gets Chuck Norris.
When the boogey man goes to sleep he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
On Chuck Norris' computer there is no "CTRL" button, Chuck Norris is always in control.
When you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you, when you can't see Chuck Norris, your only a few seconds away from death. :D

Eagle Out.


good ones

When you misspell Chuck Norris on google it doesn't tell you how to spell it it simply replies "Run while you still have the chance"
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#5 pieman

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Posted 25 May 2008 - 05:02 PM

when chuck norris was 5 his left testicle was cut off. You may know it as its technechal term Jupiter

Chuck Norris doesnt write books the words assemble out of fear.

chuck norris ordered a big mac at Burger King and got it.

Chuck norris once kicked a horse in the chin ,now its called a girrafe.
i got more later if you like im out.
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#6 itachi-san

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Posted 25 May 2008 - 11:00 PM

At least some of these are new to the forum:

Chuck Norris wrote half of these facts, he likes his fans to be informed

Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talking about

Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris doesn't step away from the vehicle. The vehicle steps away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters, if by 'knit' you mean kick and by 'sweaters' you mean babies

A blind man bumped into Chuck Norris. The simple act of touching him cured the man's eyesight, unfortunately he lost it again due to an instant roundhouse kick to the head

Someone once challenged Chuck Norris to arm wrestle... that person is now known as Captain Hook.

The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night.

Chuck Norris only once took a dump...that dump is known as Mt. Everest

The Bible used to be called Chuck Norris and Friends.

According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you in the face...YESTERDAY!!

There is no Life or Death, only Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking you in the face.

Chuck Norris' beard is barbed wire soaked in ox blood and held together by the souls of those he has conquered.

Once on the filming of Walker, Texas Ranger, when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a stunt man, his foot went so fast that it traveled back in time and kicked Amelia Earnhart in the head on her last voyage.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

There are no bombs, chuck norris just jumps out of a hellicopter and punches the ground.

When Chuck Norris pees, he clogs the toilet.

There was only one man ever to outsmart Chuck Norris, Steven Hawking, he got what he deserved.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and the CHUCK NORRIS SIDE (always right and always in CAPS).

As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent in the back hills of Omaha, nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional history.

Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company, the company field tested it and it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody.
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#7 Thuhchris

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Posted 28 May 2008 - 04:28 PM

One time chuck norris had sex in an semi-truck and some how a little bit of sperm got in the engine...
you now know this Semi-truck as Optimis Prime

:lol:
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#8 4wheelchick

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Posted 29 May 2008 - 02:21 AM

One time chuck norris had sex in an semi-truck and some how a little bit of sperm got in the engine...
you now know this Semi-truck as Optimis Prime

:lol:

:huh: I git this a little...
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#9 Naruto Uzumaki

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Posted 29 May 2008 - 12:59 PM

here are some Chuck Norris Facts:


Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. :o

Kids can pee their names into snow, Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete. :P

Chuck Norris can drown a fish. :wacko:

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the Devil for good looks and super roundhouse kicking ability. Right after the transaction, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Devil and took his soul back. The Devil appreciating irony laughed and said "I should have seen that coming." They now play poker every other Wednesday. :lol:

Not all the people Chuck Norris meet get killed, some get away. These people are called astronauts. B))
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#10 rookie1ja

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Posted 29 May 2008 - 02:07 PM

spartans previously known as 300
chuck.jpg
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