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Blonde Jokes


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#11 phaze

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Posted 16 December 2012 - 09:54 PM

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair — given that you are blind — that you should know five things:

  1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
  2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
  3. I’m a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
  4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
  5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No… Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

 

The punchline is that there are only 2 blonde girls and the blind guy sitting around a circular bar

The 6 foot, black-belt bartender to the left of the blind guy

The bouncer/professional weightlifter and wrestler to the left of the first but to the right of the blind guy


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Perfecting Mafia suicide since August 2008

#12 smuckers12

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Posted 03 January 2013 - 07:11 PM

Three women die in a car crash and end up at the gates of heaven, there are one-hundred stairs leading to the gates and they are at the bottom.  One is a brunette, one is a redhead and one is a blonde.  They see St. Peter and he says to them, "To get into heaven you have to climb all one-hundred of these stairs without laughing and on step is a joke.  The brunette starts climbing and seeing the first joke starts laughing uncontrollably  the same happens with the redhead   When it was the blondes turn, she was able to get all the way to the 99th step and then starts laughing hysterically   St peter says to her, "you were so close to the top, why couldn't you make it."  the blonde replied "I finally got the first joke."    :D


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#13 akaslickster

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Posted 28 March 2013 - 05:48 PM

                A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is  DEAD !!.

The driver feels so awful  that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains,

"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says,"Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.

She walks over to the limp, dead  Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The  Easter Bunny  jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again , until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands,

"What is in that can?

What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says..

(Are you ready for this?)


(You know you're gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)


(OK, here it is)

It says,

"Hair Spray

Restores life to dead hair,

and adds permanent wave."


Edited by akaslickster, 28 March 2013 - 05:49 PM.

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Posted ImageThe place where peace begins is within oneself. by Slick

#14 Poul

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Posted 24 June 2013 - 04:38 PM

Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender?
Because she wanted to make apple juice.


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#15 Poul

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Posted 24 June 2013 - 04:39 PM

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.


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#16 Poul

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Posted 24 June 2013 - 04:40 PM

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.


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#17 akaslickster

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Posted 15 September 2013 - 07:50 PM

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game he asked her, “Did you like the game?”  She replied, “Oh, I really liked it.  I really liked the big muscles and the tight pants.  I’m not sure, though about why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”  Dumbfounded, her boyfriend said, “I don’t know what you mean?”  She said, “Well, at the beginning of the game, they flipped a coin and one team got it.  The rest of the game, they kept yelling, “Get the quarter back, get the quarterback…..I’m like….hey, it’s ONLY a quarter.”  :o  

 

 

 

Outside of USA folks. Quarter = 1/4 of US dollar coin.


Edited by akaslickster, 15 September 2013 - 07:53 PM.

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Posted ImageThe place where peace begins is within oneself. by Slick

#18 Kikacat123

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 09:46 PM

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two-- one to get the phone book and the other to call the electrician.
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"Silflay hraka, u embleer Rah!" - Thlayli, Watership Down

#19 flamebirde

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Posted 18 September 2013 - 01:06 AM

Q: why are blonde jokes so short?

A: so brunettes can remember them.


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Mafiosos and mafiosas of the world, unite! And then kill each other in a particularly tricky move that everyone suspects but never anticipates.

stand back. I'm going to apply logic.

 

Come join the battle against the Chromatic Witch! http://brainden.com/...nly-eat-orange/

 

The Coup of Rhotus still needs players!End the 2 year sign up phase! http://brainden.com/...-mafia-signups/


#20 OmegaScales

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Posted 18 September 2013 - 03:51 AM

A smart blonde, an honest lawyer, and Santa are walking down the street when they see a $100 bill on the ground. Who got it?

The blonde, the other two don't exist.

 

What is blonde, really smart, and likes octopi?

A Japanese girl with dyed hair.

 

Why did the blonde keep crossing the road?

Because she couldn't get to "the other side".

 

How do you keep a blonde busy?

Tell her to sit in the corner of the oval office.

 

How does a blonde confuse you?

She tells you she did it.


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When the fiery moon rises and the frozen sun sets, then the war between good and evil shall come to an end. Until then I, the guardian of both heaven and hell, the keeper of destruction and bringer of peace, shall dream these lives to death and freedom.





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